20 Characters From "The Vampire Diaries" Ranked By An Idiot Who's Never Seen The Show

1 year ago 218

There's a character named Lorenzo St. John.

I've never seen The Vampire Diaries, and I know very little about the show, so I decided to rank the first 20 characters listed on IMDb based only on their names and faces — because why not? I like doing dumb things!

The CW / Via giphy.com

My friend, who has chosen to go by the nom de plume Melena Dilbert, helped me out.

1. Elena Gilbert

The CW

Elena Gilbert sounds like a fake American name, and she's very pretty, obviously, but the name "Elena Gilbert" is too obviously written from someone's mind for me to get past.

2. Tom Avery

The CW

Two names, one for each shirt. But it's all boring. Actually, it's three shirts!!!

3. Sheriff Liz Forbes

The CW

There isn't much to say about someone named "Liz Forbes." Congrats on having a name, I guess.

4. Katherine Pierce

The CW

"Is her shirt red because she's a more violent version of Elena Gilbert?" —Melena Dilbert

5. Caroline Forbes

The CW

This name and picture are trying so hard to have money and to have that be the character's thing — look at the hair.

6. Bonnie Bennett

The CW

I like her vibe, and I like the name, but there's nothing to laugh at here, and therefore I like Bonnie Bennett less than the following characters.

7. Jenna Sommers

The CW

The spelling of Sommers makes me uncomfortable, and she's wearing a necklace from Limited Too.

8. Matt Donovan

The CW / Via vampirediaries.fandom.com

I like the name Matt Donovan, and he's the actor from a bunch of things, but I don't know who he is.

9. Rebekah Mikaelson

The CW

I won't remember anything about the name or the photo.

10. Amara

The CW / Via vampirediaries.fandom.com

While it makes sense that a character named Amara would wear lipstick that kind of matches her top, "I don't believe that she's actually living in a purely black void." —Melena Dilbert

11. Jeremy Gilbert

The CW

Jeremy Gilbert is a funny name. "They just looked at a bunch of headshots and found the guy that looked like a Jeremy Gilbert." —Melena Dilbert

12. Silas

The CW

He's cute, but he looks like a teddy bear that's Pinnochio-ed. Also, Silas is a dumb name to have with no last name.

14. Klaus Mikaelson

The CW

A necklace under the shirt screams "Klaus Mikaelson" to me. "I wish I had that confidence in high school." —Melena Dilbert

15. Ethan Maxwell

The CW

"He dresses like this because he's the heir to the Maxwell house coffee fortune." —Melena Dilbert

16. Ambrose

The CW

This face isn't an Ambrose at all; it's more of a...

17. Stefan Salvatore

The CW

"Stefan Salvatore" is a bonkers name for a human person. "The name of a person who's trying to convince you they're human." —Melena Dilbert

18. Damon Salvatore

The CW

I would take a gander that his hair is not washed in this photo, which, to be fair, is consistent with the name Damon Salvatore.

19. Lorenzo "Enzo" St. John

The CW

"Will his Uncle Vinny ever be proud of him?" —Melena Dilbert

20. Alaric Saltzman

The CW

It's Warner from Legally Blonde! Playing a guy named Alaric Saltzman! I rest my case.

Don’t miss Sam Claflin in the new rom-com Book of Love from BuzzFeed Studios, coming to Amazon Prime Video February 4 and Sky Cinema February 12.

BuzzFeed Studios / Amazon Prime Video

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